What to Change 1/12

Hi ! it has been a long time not to see you. Actually, i have never been so that busy instead having a bad time management. I was supposed to write at least once a month in 2013 but like what i have mentioned before… i was more likely to be a bad time manager. Everything was always messy, my hours was married with shadow and i have never been going to extra miles instead running behind the hand of clock. So, i am gonna make up for it in this year.

Although this is a super duper late post talking about ‘RESOLUTIONS’, There are something that i want to share and this is just the beginning. We admit that new year and resolutions are like an invitation to start a new chance given. So, I have bunch of things to do to be a better one here and my first ‘what to change’ list is…

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have you ever heard or read a poster on tumblr quoting ‘Love yourself’ or ‘accept whatever you are’ ? i think even a teacher in the class also told the student how important to love themselves. However, i have been found it’s hard to love myself since i couldn’t remember when. i have been battling with myself, my thought in silence while people think i am okay. I have people told me to love myself but i think, they just don’t really know how hard it is. The feelings when you wake up, you just hate everything about yourself. People might think “oh Wita is so smart… getting scholarship to study abroad, always upload her photos with her foreign friends. oh yes, Wita is already success and has many friends to chill out with” but BIG NO for that. Actually, Wita is a girl who has insecurity.

I was not supposed to rest on my laurels but what happen then , when i compare what i have done with what should it has to be done. my mood is often perfectly shrinked by it. I tend to always blame myself when i am failed of reaching something which is caused by me who seems to not give my best. Sometimes i feel tired by nothing. Comparing with others and chasing perfections always make me feel insecure.

until last night, when i was gonna sleep, i was thinking about the truly reason of me feeling insecure. Do i have to feel confidence enough just if i am better than others? Isn’t it arrogance, is it? All people must not be better than me then i can be confidence… ooouugh, i hate to say that but that is true. who cares to be better than others? the most important is being better of your version.

AND THEN THE LIGHT BULB APPEARED…

I have to careless about insecure. My focus on this year is placing the insecure out of the window. Forgiving myself is the things that i want easily to do . I want to build relationship with myself better. I want to realize more that thankfulness will make me happy. So, no more a blamed tweet to myself by me again. hahaha let see how it works.

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